Thursday, September 27, 2007

The Good and The Bad

The good: When FB and I chatted this past Friday, he'd finally been able to broach to his boss the subject of wanting to come up here for a visit before the wedding.
The bad: His boss is such a busy man that they only got 1/2 way through the conversation.

The good: His boss made it sound like they'd be able to work something out.
The bad: No discussion of dates, as his boss needed to move on to the next thing.

Jump ahead a few days - we chatted again last night (Wednesday)

The good: There were no internet problems, and we were able to use the camera :)
The bad: We only had a little under an hour.

The good: He was able to finish the conversation with his boss.
The bad: His boss said it was difficult to give him any time off until he has worked there for 6 months.

The good: His boss also said that if FB proves himself in the coming weeks, works hard and has good results, he may give him the time off (both for visiting here and for the honeymoon).
The bad: He wouldn't be able to come until December, and we won't know until just before then what his boss has decided.

The good: I stayed remarkably calm and undisturbed by this news.
The bad: FB felt awful about it, repeatedly said how he never thought things would work out this way, and how he'd hate for me to have to come down alone instead of with him.

The good: I was able to encourage him some, and assure him that I know he is a hard worker and man of integrity, that we would pray, and in the end the important thing is we will be married by the end of the year regardless of what happens with this visit.
The bad: Next to no planning can be done in the meantime since we really don't know how things will work out. For example, we wanted to have a reception here when he came to visit, but it is difficult to plan something that may not happen. Also, I won't know exactly when I am moving to Mexico until the last minute.

The good: I really am surprisingly relaxed about this. Corrie ten Boom shares in her book The Hiding Place about something her father explained to her as a child. She was worrying about something that might happen in the future. Her father asked her when he usually gave her her ticket when they went on the train, and she answered, "Just before we get on the train." "That is right," he responded, "And so it is with God's strength....He will supply the strength you need - just in time." Now, my need pales in comparison to the needs Corrie ten Boom had as she lived through being a prisoner of the Nazis. But I can't help but feel that it describes my situation so well - God has met me each step and change of plans along the way. I would not have been able to drum up the peace I've had on my own, out of my own strength. He continues to give me the ability to be flexible and take things as they come.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Prayer for communication.....please...

To any readers who pray-

Please pray for FB and I to be better able to communicate. Or maybe I should say connect. We've had a lot of internet issues lately, and therefore not a lot of talking. Plus, even when we do get to chat, we hardly ever get to use the camera (which makes a big difference for me in how connected I feel to him).

For example, we were able to chat a grand total of something like 3.5 hours in the last 2 weeks, spread over 4 different sessions. And we only got to use the camera 1 of those 4 times.

So, I'd appreciate any prayers for us to be able to chat more, and see each other more. I'm getting very discouraged...

My attitude

I just feel a need to to apologize for the tone of my last entry. It wasn't exactly 'faith-filled'. It was pretty complain-y.

So, stating once again for the record:
My God is Jehovah Jireh, my Provider, and He shall provide for all our needs according to His great riches in glory.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Fair compensation?

I was able to talk to my love last night (hooray!). Apparently, there were some weird internet issues this past Saturday. It turns out we were both online at the agreed upon time, but neither of us to could see or communicate with the other. Very strange.

Anyways, I'm beginning to wonder about this new job of his. Well, continuing to wonder might be more accurate. I already knew he had to work at least a half day most Saturdays. Now apparently he's been told to work one Sunday a month. He's still going to ask if he can just work extra hours another day so he doesn't have to miss church and all (I mean, he is the worship leader!). But the thing I don't get is how they get away with paying him so little for so much work. His salary would definitely be considered below poverty level here, although it doesn't seem that drastically low by Mexican standards. But this is an American based company. A professional level job. I can deal with long work hours if it feels worth it, but it will be hard to put up with if he continues to make less than what the bills add up to. I'm hoping all his hard work now is going to lead to some type of raise or something. Or that the Lord opens up a better opportunity. Something.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

I've never been much of a shower person. As in, bridal and baby showers. I go, and I'm glad to bless the person being honored with some type of gift - I appreciate the purpose of showers. But I've never really enjoyed going to them. I mostly endure them.

But I really enjoyed the one I went to on Friday night. Do you think it might be because it was my bridal shower?

I'm trying to decide if I've actually always disliked showers because it was a reminder of how much I wished I had a husband and children, or if I just enjoyed my own so much more because it was such a tangible sign of the fact that I'm truly getting married and there was such an outpouring of love from good friends.

I really was blessed. It was a good time of seeing and chatting with a variety of friends. People were generous (and complied with the request for cash/checks only due to my situation). I felt very loved by the people that put time and energy into making it happen. And they created a priceless gift for me as the evening went on - video taped messages for me to watch when I'm far away and homesick. This was mostly done without my knowledge over the course of the evening. And then at the end, a few brave souls shared things (memories, reasons they'd miss me, how they've seen God use me) in front of everyone. Lots of tears were shed. And I was reminded of the depth of relationship I have with so many wonderful women here. I hope and pray I am able to create such relationships in Mexico with time.

I sometimes wonder if I'll be able to stand the pain of being away from both my blood family and church family here. I am so close to so many. And then I remember that I am positive this move is a God thing, and that is everything I need and is faithful to provide for my every need.

And just cause you're probably all wondering, as everyone else in my life is, when I'm leaving and/or when FB is coming here....I still don't know either of those things. I am still waiting, still working on flexibility (and still very bored with my job). And once again I am waiting to hear from my man - it has been almost a week since our last (45 min) conversation. Apparently, this new job of his is keeping him very busy. When I start to get discouraged about this fact meaning that he will probably won't have tons of time for me when I first move there, I remind myself that simply getting to be physically in his presence on a regular basis will be umpteen times better than the current situation.

Sorry if this is getting choppy at the end. I'm not sure why I feel like I'm not expressing myself clearly.

But the good news is, the wedding is only 102 days (or 14 1/2 weeks) away. Which means I will be with my beloved sometime in the next 100 days or less.

Friday, September 14, 2007


I'm not sure what I expected, but I am surprised how much higher I came out on History/Lit than I did on Science/Math. Actually, now that I write that, I realize that although I love Math, I've never been big on Science.

Anyways, below you will see the measure of my nerdiness or geekness, whatever word you prefer. You can thank OTRgirl
for this entertainment. says I'm a Kinda Dorky History / Lit Geek.  What are you?  Click here!

Wednesday, September 12, 2007


I've been giving this concept some thought lately. This is partly due to comparing Mexican culture to American culture. One thing I've noticed is how Mexican culture is more family and community oriented, while America tends to breed an independent streak. Look at how we became a nation. It is in our blood.

Hmm, I'm having trouble organizing my thoughts well. Sorry if this comes out a little choppy.

It is interesting to look at how this cultural difference plays out generationally. For example, in America, we encourage and expect young adults to move out on their own. It is often considered a sign of maturity, or a way to attain maturity, if someone in the 18 - mid 20's range moves out of their parents' place into an apartment. In Mexico, on the other hand, it is extremely rare for a single adult to move out of their parents' home, and oftentimes newlyweds continue to live at home for the first couple of years. There's no negative connotation for doing so, but rather is expected.

At the other end of the spectrum, in Mexico it is expected and understood that the elderly will be cared for by family. Widows are supported by their children. I've never seen or heard yet of nursing homes or adult care facilities there. In contrast, many Americans struggle with the issue of how to care for the elderly. Either the elderly person is determined to maintain their accustomed lifestyle for as long as possible, or their children look for ways to provide them care without it having too big an impact on their own lives.

I've been giving thought to both ends of the spectrum in my own life and family lately. My remaining grandmother is 94 years old, and has stubbornly lived alone up to this point. She can hardly entertain the notion of leaving her home, has blocked almost every attempt we've made to offer help (for example, canceling Meals on Wheels within the first 48 hours). She's been in the hospital since Saturday; there's a diagnosis of congestive heart failure. Where walking was slow and difficult for her before, it's dangerous now. We can't send her home to live alone again, but we are equally sure she will protest any other option.

I've been thinking about the changes in my own life recently. A year ago (well, up to a few months ago), I lived alone. I was an elementary school principal. I was very action oriented, a problem solver, decision maker. Now? I live with my family. I am at the bottom of the totem pole at my workplace. I'm soon to move to another country, but the timing of said move is out of my hands. Interestingly, realizing the changes in my position have made me more trusting of my fiance.

I don't know how well all that makes sense to anyone else, but I needed to write it out. I'm curious to understand the cultural difference better as time goes on, and the impact those differences have in people's everyday lives. And I am glad I know the One who is in control of it all.

Friday, September 7, 2007

Connecting is a good thing ;)

Wow, I am on a blogging roll this week!


My beloved and I chatted online last night, and for the first time in close to 2 weeks (a time frame we were both acutely aware of) we were able to use the camera!

Oh the joy of seeing his face!

Maybe those of you who aren't visual people aren't as affected, but for me, it adds so much to the depth of a conversation when you can use facial expressions. And being able to see a person's eyes can send much more of a message about how they feel about you then simple type-written words can. I found myself smiling so big last night that it hurt my face. And I'm still floating a little today :)

Nothing more has been decided. But I did want to let you know that I was able to clearly express my desire to be flexible, and my family's ability to be so as well, if needed. Again, gotta love facial expression. I was completely assured that I did indeed lift some of the pressure off of FB as he hopes for permission to come up before the wedding. It was a good thing.

I could probably go on and on, seeing as I enjoyed it so much. But I'll spare you. I've captured the highlights.

But for the pray-ers out there, pray for FB to find the right opportunity to talk to his boss. And pray for his boss to give the 'right' answer, whatever that might be.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Flexibility, you say?

I finally got to talk (online) to my man last night. Hooray! It'd been almost a full week. And we're chatting again tonight, with cameras. Hooray again! We haven't 'seen' each other in almost 2 weeks.

But he still doesn't know when he'll be able to come up. Apparently his boss has been too busy lately for him to sit down and talk to him. I don't think I'll be leaving the 1st week of October after all. At this point, I'd be shocked if he's able to come then.

My dad asked last night what I would do if his boss doesn't let him come up. FB is currently on a 3month 'trial' type contract. My dad seemed to think it might be difficult to leave for a week under such circumstances since his pay and review are tied into his productivity and performance.

I've tried not to think to much about this being a possibility. But I told my dad it mattered more how the family took it than me. The visit is for the family's sake, to be able to meet him and get to know him a little before I marry him. Yes, I'd be disappointed, but I know there will be other opportunities for him to get glimpses of my life here. But there won't be other opportunities for my siblings, grandparents, etc, to get to know him before the wedding. My mom has never met him, but maybe she could come down with me before the wedding when I move down.

I'm trying to remain flexible here and not be too tied to any one plan, since it is all still one big unknown. I hope to express clearly to my love tonight that the pressure is off him - we'll all understand if his boss doesn't let him come, or if it is much later than we originally planned. And I'll live if I end up moving down later than I'd like. He's got enough pressure on him without feeling like he'll have lost favor with my family before he's even met them, especially since it isn't really within his control.

I'm probably pretty normal in feeling more secure and prepared when I know what to expect and when. But I can do flexible. Honest I can. Really, I'll get over the anxious, stressed out feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I'll go with the flow. After all, the Lord sent me this verse yesterday, through a woman I hardly know...

"In the multitude of my anxieties within me,
Your comforts delight my soul."
Psalm 94:19 (NKJV)

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

My 1st Non-"1st day back to school"

As my brothers headed out the door to their 1st day back to school, my mother made an interesting point:

This is the first year in something like 25 years, since I started at pre-school, that I am not heading off to my 1st day back to school. Immediately upon graduating HS, I headed to college, and immediately upon graduating college, I started working in a school. I've always existed, up to this point, on the school schedule. But not this year.

You'd think, for someone as sentimental and tradition oriented as me, that I'd feel this change more deeply. I guess it is a sign of being ready for this transition, of looking forward to the next phase of my life, that I've hardly realized it, much less had any major feelings on the subject.

I did call and email several good friends from my old workplace and wish them well on a new year. But I haven't really missed being there much at all. I guess that is a good thing....?

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

It's a GIRL!

The call came a little after 5PM, after a long day with no news.

Grace Anne was born at 4:17 this afternoon.
She weighed in at 7lbs 8oz, and is 21 inches long.

Isn't that just the sweetest little girl name you've heard in a long while?


The waiting game

So, I'm writing this post because to write about the wait makes it feel like I'm doing something more than just waiting. All in my head, I know, but it doesn't hurt anything :)

I'm currently playing the waiting game on 2 fronts. I'll start with the shorter and more straightforward of the 2.

My sister-in-law is in labor as we speak. She debated all yesterday evening whether she was really in labor, went in around 4am this morning, and things have been moving slowly. Waiting for a birth is always exciting, but more so since we don't know if it is a boy or a girl. This will be their 3rd - they already have one of each.

The second has to do with my man. We chatted last on Thursday evening (8/31). He told me he thought we'd next be able to talk on Monday (9/3). That's a little on the long side for us, but not unheard of, depending on what's going on. He had already informed me that he hoped to talk to his new boss on Friday about when he might be able to get the time off for his visit here. So I asked if he could email me sooner than Monday if he got an answer. He agreed, and said he'd also tell me in the email what time he'd be able to talk on Monday (I'm thinking he needed to get a better feel for his hours at his new job). So that was fine, and the waiting began. I knew better than to expect anything earlier than Saturday afternoon or evening. But finding out the date for his visit (and thus the date I'll be moving, as I plan to return with him) had me way too excited. If per chance he was able to write earlier than I expected, I didn't want to miss it. I started checking for his email Friday evening. Saturday, I held off checking till the afternoon, knowing he was busy early in the day. I checked a couple more times as the evening passed. Sunday I knew he'd be at church till mid-afternoon, but checked a couple of times before heading to bed. By Monday, I was having trouble not checking every 1/2 hour or something. Especially since I had left my plans flexible for Monday so I'd be available to talk that evening as planned. But Monday passed with no word. As of 30 seconds ago, I've still not heard from him. I'm guessing at this point that it means he has been so busy he hasn't been able to sit down and write me (keep in mind he has to go to a cyber cafe to use a computer for any kind of personal use). But not only is it killing me to wait on the answer from his boss about when he can come, I hate when I don't know when we'll next talk. It always makes it feel even longer than it is.

Ah well, in either instance, all I can do is pray. And wait.
I'll keep you posted.