Missing him...

I spent about 10 days last summer in Mexico, seeing my man everyday but one. 4 1/2 months later I was back, spending Christmas thru New Years together. Here we are, 4 months after my last visit. At this point, we have no plans to see each other until he comes up to meet everyone here sometime in the fall. (FYI, he can't come until he has a visa approved, etc - much more complicated that you might think.) And then I'll go back with him, moving then so that I am settled before the wedding at the end of the year. Can I just say:

THIS IS A VERY LONG TIME TO GO WITHOUT SEEING HIM!!

I do thank the Lord (honestly, not sarcastically) that I live in a time that has the technology we have. I get to chat online with him several times a week, for only the cost of internet access. We use web cams, so I do get to 'see' him, which helps A LOT. And sometimes we even get to use microphones and actually talk to each other too. Which also helps A LOT. But sometimes it also makes it that much harder. I can see him, I can hear him, and yet he is still thousands of miles away. What I wouldn't give to be able to sit next to him or hold his hand or...you get the idea.

Someone suggested today that I watch for a last-minute fare and just take off some weekend to see him. Very tempting. However, in a quick search today, I found nothing less than $500 something, and that was flying in to the city that is 1-2 hours away from him (not exactly convenient for an unplanned trip). I've mostly used Travelocity for my airfare needs - anyone know if a different site is better for the last-minute deals?

I've had several people tell me I'm so disciplined and other such things, for going so long without seeing him, having such limited contact. They don't realize it isn't so much a matter of discipline as it is actual possibility. If it wouldn't break the bank, I'd be heading down there every chance I got. Oh well, 243 days till the wedding, and counting...

Done?

So, I made it through the whole weekend without losing it. Do you think I'm past my emotional-ness for a while, or that it is work-related? Guess I'll find out tomorrow. I've got my fingers crossed...

Emotional

So, I've been very emotional this week. As in, crying multiple times everyday. Occasionally they were situations where it made sense to cry...hearing that my 1 1/2 year old nephew was looking for me yesterday, then talking to him on the phone as he repeatedly called my name and at the end told me 'luv oo'....and the reality of the fact that I will be moving thousands of miles away from this sweet boy I love hitting home hard. Other times, it really didn't make much sense to cry...asking for some extra coverage from people at work when it simply couldn't be avoided, and having someone respond that it was a busy time for most of them...I knew that, but had to ask.

The trouble with all this crying is at least 3 fold. One, it is exhausting and difficult to function when you break into tears multiple times a day with little or no warning. Two, it is making it very hard to accurately judge what I am capable of doing, especially at work where we are trying to cover too many bases right now. Third, my adoring fiance (who will be referred to here as FB), becomes very frustrated and sad himself to see me so sad and not really be able to do anything about it as he is thousands of miles away.

I've had several people tell me this week that it should be expected...I am going thru many transitions right now, most pretty major ones. They say the crying will most likely continue. But I cannot deal with that thought!! I don't move for at least another 6 months, and I'll be working at least another 2 months. I can't be crying daily until one or both of those things happen.

And then I am trying to balance all this with not stuffing my emotions and trying to ignore them. Naturally there will be a lot of emotions as I experience 'the last' of many things for a while. Also naturally, there's all kinds of excitement about the upcoming wedding and the new things that will be happening in my life. It would be totally unhealthy to ignore any of those emotions, or to cover one set with the other. But I really don't want to dwell in the sadness.

Anyways, hopefully this blog will provide a place for me to sort out all these emotions some, and maybe vent a bit as needed. I've never seen myself as a blogger (although I've enjoyed other's blogs), but I've been figuring I'd have to start one eventually to facilitate staying in touch with everyone. So here I am...