Monday, June 28, 2010

Feeling a little rusty

The thing about blogging is that if you are blogging consistently, you almost start to see all of life through the lens of the possible blog post. There are an endless supply of posts. But when you are NOT blogging consistently, it gets harder and harder to put together a good post. With such limited internet access the last year or so, I am definitely feeling rusty. But I can't let a whole month of unlimited internet access go by without posting at all, so here goes...

I am a pretty social person. But having relationships of varying degrees in more than one place, with the distance factor complicating things, causes me to literally want to avoid acquaintances. I just don't have the energy for them. I have a limited amount of time to see family and close friends, and that is emotionally draining (not to mention the emotional energy involved in missing my husband and everyone else back home). In large group settings I find myself cringing when I see certain people coming, or just sort of shutting down because I can't figure out who is important enough to invest in. It feels almost like a personality change. Then there are the people who I want to see but somehow we don't seem to connect - I can't always tell if I am just not enough of a priority for them, or...?

And speaking of back home, I have to just comment that it is so strange how your parents house is forever home (at least if they still live in your hometown). I had never even seen this house before this visit, but both in my own mind and in that of many others (strangers and friends alike), I was headed home. But of course, at the same time, Saltillo, my husband, etc...that is home.

And I am missing home. Big time. My husband and I were both of the feeling, when we talked yesterday, that a month may just be too long for solo visits. This has been a bit hard on both of us, and definitely harder on him than he expected. He had encouraged me to take advantage of the opportunity to come up; 4 weeks was his idea. But he is finding that he feels awfully lonely, that he now has double the missing to do (last time I came up alone, I was pregnant with Katya...he didn't miss her yet. Now he misses both of us), that hanging out with his family just isn't the same anymore after 2 1/2 years of living with our little family. And although I am enjoying seeing everyone up here, I miss my husband big time. And although I of course have lots of help from my family with Katya, I am finding it very draining to be the only one responsible for her ... the one to make all discipline decisions, always deal with all nap/bedtime fights, etc.

I must be a bit tired, or missing home right now, because so far this post sounds a bit depressing or negative. I AM truly enjoying all the time with my family, spending time with friends that I miss, seeing people at church, seeing all the GREEN here (Saltillo is pretty much a desert), going up to the lake, etc.

Speaking of the lake, I have to share that Katya just loved it! In Saltillo, a large puddle after a big thunderstorm is about as much water as we ever see, so Katya just kept looking around and saying every 15 seconds, "aqua!". Then she'd tell Gramma, then Papa, then an uncle..."aqua". Topped off with all the passing boats, ducks, and swans, and all and all it was a very exciting experience.

Katya has done great adjusting to being here. Within an hour of arriving, she was checking out the house on her own, interacting with everyone. To varying degrees and on different timelines, she has given everyone in the house names that she can say, let them carry her, etc. She even warms up pretty quickly to each new friend we visit. She's been learning new words almost everyday, most of them in English (strangely, since arriving here she learned 'hola' and 'bien').

I put that label of 'the visit' up there because I have at least one other topic I was going to hit as well, but I am thinking this post has gotten long enough and I will save that for another post in the next couple of days.