Saturday, April 28, 2007

Emotional

So, I've been very emotional this week. As in, crying multiple times everyday. Occasionally they were situations where it made sense to cry...hearing that my 1 1/2 year old nephew was looking for me yesterday, then talking to him on the phone as he repeatedly called my name and at the end told me 'luv oo'....and the reality of the fact that I will be moving thousands of miles away from this sweet boy I love hitting home hard. Other times, it really didn't make much sense to cry...asking for some extra coverage from people at work when it simply couldn't be avoided, and having someone respond that it was a busy time for most of them...I knew that, but had to ask.

The trouble with all this crying is at least 3 fold. One, it is exhausting and difficult to function when you break into tears multiple times a day with little or no warning. Two, it is making it very hard to accurately judge what I am capable of doing, especially at work where we are trying to cover too many bases right now. Third, my adoring fiance (who will be referred to here as FB), becomes very frustrated and sad himself to see me so sad and not really be able to do anything about it as he is thousands of miles away.

I've had several people tell me this week that it should be expected...I am going thru many transitions right now, most pretty major ones. They say the crying will most likely continue. But I cannot deal with that thought!! I don't move for at least another 6 months, and I'll be working at least another 2 months. I can't be crying daily until one or both of those things happen.

And then I am trying to balance all this with not stuffing my emotions and trying to ignore them. Naturally there will be a lot of emotions as I experience 'the last' of many things for a while. Also naturally, there's all kinds of excitement about the upcoming wedding and the new things that will be happening in my life. It would be totally unhealthy to ignore any of those emotions, or to cover one set with the other. But I really don't want to dwell in the sadness.

Anyways, hopefully this blog will provide a place for me to sort out all these emotions some, and maybe vent a bit as needed. I've never seen myself as a blogger (although I've enjoyed other's blogs), but I've been figuring I'd have to start one eventually to facilitate staying in touch with everyone. So here I am...

4 comments:

Carole said...

Fun! Thanks for letting me in on your new endeavor. :)

OTRgirl said...

Whoo-hooo!!! Welcome to the jungle! I'm very excited that you have a blog. Your writing is wonderful. I know the facts of your life, but reading your personal profile makes it that much more real and dramatic. My Dad talks about the conflict needed for compelling drama; your juxtaposition of a family girl moving to Mexico is quite compelling!

No wonder you're crying.

I would also dread crying until I left. It's better than my version of leaving (feel it all after the fact). If you spent your first few months in Mexico crying, it might not help build your new life on the foundation you might like? Which doesn't make it any easier...

scarp said...

Thanks for the quick and positive feedback...I was definetly feeling tentative and nervous about getting started here. :)

Makcalva said...

So glad for a way to keep in touch/get updates while you're gone. So sad that you're sad! Time for a coffee/whatever get together so you can spill? Looking for a chance to return the favor!