Friday, November 16, 2007

Cyclical emotions

Ummm... do you realize that my man will be here in 20 days??! That's right - less than 3 weeks from now. Do you also realize that only a few short days after he arrives, we'll leave together - as in, I will make a permanent move to another country??!

This knowledge sends me through the following cycle of emotions:

1) I'm so excited I want to jump up and down because there are only 20 short days until I can see the love of my life!! And where every other time I've seen him, I've had to leave him less than 2 weeks later - this time I will be seeing him every day indefinitely!!

2) I become almost paralyzed at the thought of packing for a move to another country. I have moved many times in my life, including 9 moves in the last 11 years (is that not ridiculous??). But to move to another country? One far enough away that I am flying, not driving - meaning anything and everything I want to bring with me needs to fit into a suitcase. Oh, and each suitcase has to fit the ever lowering weight limit unless I want to pay exorbitant fees - meaning I have to think very carefully about which items I pack together in each suitcase.

3) Ok, quick disclaimer on this one: I have never been more sure of something in my life. I absolutely know that this move is exactly what I want to and should do. BUT - I am slightly in shock that in a little more than 3 weeks, I am going to move to another country. I am, as in, me - the girl who has lived within a 5 mile radius her whole life (minus one or 2 years that were less than 15 miles out).

4) A deep sadness about all the people who I love and care about who will be here while I am there, and how very much I will miss them.

5) A bit of disbelief, in a fairy-tale, very happy kind of way, that I am actually getting married - to a man that I love and respect very, very much. And just to put the icing on the cake, so to speak, I am beginning to feel like I will truly look like a princess on my wedding day. (Have I mentioned how much I like my dress? And jewelry? And how I now have the perfect make-up? Oh, I have? Ok, good.)

On a related note, a friend recently mentioned how she will soon be celebrating her 9th anniversary. There have been many times that I have reassured myself that I have not been single all that long, that I am still relatively young, etc. And then a friend mentions she's been married almost 9 years (and she was a senior in college when she married - an adult, by most everyone's standards), and I realize that I actually have been a single adult woman for quite a while. I've kinda gotten used to it, in fact, and have learned to enjoy many aspects of it (not that I ever enjoyed it enough to want to stay single!). I'm thinking married life might be a bit of an adjustment.

Anyone else tired yet? Because I am. This transition stuff is exhausting.


OTRgirl said...

If you weren't feeling ambivalent right now, I would be convinced you were crazy. (How's that for convoluted?)

Tabitha said...

Ok... I have to further the single adult thing by saying that Joe and I will have our 10th anniversary in December.

But on a different note, you're wedding is actually coming six months before ours. That's right! We're going to renew our vows this summer! This man just keeps on amazing me.