Emotional Ambush?

This weekend is the women's retreat for my church. This year will be my 12th. I started going my freshman year of college.

I've always really enjoyed going, even though there really aren't any other girls my age. It is always a good time of reconnecting with some women I haven't talked to lately and building relationships with some I don't know as well. Sort of like a good family reunion. Of course, there's the God part too, but that's not so much the point of my reflections for this post...

My point is this - last year, I had an emotional ambush when I got there. I knew I was engaged and would be moving away, but that was not general knowledge yet (we didn't announce it until New Years). I knew it could very well be my last retreat for a while, but no one else really knew that. And so, every time there was a chance to just hang out and chat and have fun, I ended up 'ambushed' by sadness, tears, pain at the idea of leaving so many well-loved, longtime friends. I felt like I should be living it up, making the most of it - but all I wanted to do was hide and cry.

Since things have worked out the way they have this fall, and I haven't left yet, it turns out I get to go again this year. And suddenly, a couple of days ago, I remembered last year's emotional ambush. Now I'm wondering - what will I feel and go through this year? Everyone knows where I am at this time. I'm hoping that helps. Last year, the idea of leaving and the associated grieving process was still pretty new to me. This year I've worked through some of that. But I'm afraid I'm one of those people that has a better read on everyone else than I do myself most of the time. So I really don't know what this weekend will look like.

I want to enjoy it. I want to savor each conversation. I want to ask questions of the women who are older than me, and therefore have more experience than me in at least some areas, like, "what do you wish you had known before you got married?" so I can glean every last possible bit of wisdom from these Godly ladies. But I am a little nervous that I'll struggle like I did last year...

We'll see. I'll let you know how it goes...