As suggested by a good friend, I am going to share with you all this morning the most frequently asked questions posed to me in the last several months.
So, are you (getting) excited??
This question bugs me. Are you serious? Of course I'm excited! I'm getting married!! I think this is the kind of question people ask when they don't take the time to actually think of something to talk about.
When are you leaving/when is he coming?
This question, although much more valid than the last one, has definitely gotten old. But only because until just a couple of weeks ago, I had no good answer for this. Sometimes I'd give some vague answer about what we were hoping would happen, other times I just said I had no idea. And although I think I have handled all of our ever-changing plans pretty well (thank you very much), not being able to give a good answer to this question invariably brought on a subtle roll of anxiety in my gut.
Will you work when you get there?
Umm, I was thinking that moving to another country, mastering a foreign language, and getting married would be enough major adjustments for one time. Plus, just about any job is going to require a little more Spanish than I currently have. Of course, considering our current financial status, it may become necessary. Which kind of stresses me out sometimes.
How many days?
This one is asked consistently by a few people who know how much I enjoy counting down to the wedding :) (32 days, in case you didn't notice. and only 9 until he gets here!)
Are you ready?
This one has started popping up more recently. I usually answer that I don't think it is really possible for me to know until it happens. I don't even have anything remotely close in my life to compare this to.
How are your parents with all of this?
Not a bad question, I suppose, except that the answer seems so obvious. How do you think they are doing? They feel like just about any parent would feel (at least, within a healthy family relationship)...they are excited about the marriage to a great guy, excited their daughter is happy, sad that we'll be living so far away.
The extreme repetitiveness of these questions makes me feel a bit like a high school senior (you know, when all you are ever asked is if you "know what you want to do next year/with the rest of your life?"). It's not that some of the questions aren't valid, but that so many times it feels like the person asking didn't give any thought to the conversation, just grabbed onto the easiest, most obvious question that popped into their head. It also makes me feel a bit one dimensional, if that makes sense. I truly appreciate the few who show how much they truly care (even if they do ask one of the FAQs), who you can tell stopped what they were doing or thinking about long enough to really listen and go a little deeper than the surface.
Questions I wished I was asked more often:
Is there anything I can do for you?/Do you need anything?
I don't always have a good answer for this one, but it makes me feel cared for. Luggage and cash are about the only gifts I'm accepting at this point. Help packing can be nice. Prayers are huge. Speaking of which...
How can I pray?
I love this one. There are so few tangible ways anyone can help me, but there are lots of things I'll take prayer for. My answer can vary based on who I am talking to and what other things we've already discussed, but a few of the biggies include:
-FB's job situation. His current salary does not even come close to cutting it. And I'm just talking paying the bills, not anything extra or comfort based.
-My Spanish!
-My transition. This is a huge change, and it's only gonna work by God's grace. Related to this - my emotions. To be able to process them in a healthy way without becoming overwhelmed by them. Also related - building relationships with people even though I'm not yet fluent in their language.
-Honestly, I truly worry sometimes about whether I'll be a good wife. I'm thinking that probably a lot of soon-to-be-married women have this concern. Mine is compounded by all the cultural adjustments (will I be able to make foods he likes/is used to? will homemaking skills I have here easily transfer to a place with different customs and resources? will my Spanish improve quickly enough for me to be able to communicate effectively with him?)
Of course, watch - I'll end up missing being asked all these questions once I'm surrounded by non-English speakers and missing everyone here :P
2 comments:
Ah, I just love the "will you work" question. I am so there with you. For me, it was wonderful to be able to just say, "No, I'm not allowed until my permanent resident card arrives, and that will probably come about the time we want to add to our family. And as you know, I've always wanted to be a wife and mom." But of course, once the card arrived, everyone here was asking me if I'd get a job. What? I haven't had one for the past year and a half? Oh? Cooking and cleaning and being a wife is just a hobby, as is adjusting to a new culture? Call me crazy, but sometimes the best jobs aren't "official", nor do they come with a paycheck.
I hear you too on the financial issues. It would be better if I got a job outside our home in that aspect, but my whole job and calling here would go down the tubes. In my opinion, it's better to eat a simple meal of tasty veggies homemade by me than throw together a rich meal after working 8 hours outside my home. The good things about being poor and being at home actually outweigh the good things about working outside my home. Sounds crazy, but I'm realizing it's true. Granted, I'd love to have the money to buy a winter coat and boots so I could accompany my husband on an ice climbing trip to Alberta, but maybe another year.
I'll also never forget how many people felt it necessary to encourage me to have my now-husband get a US work visa so we could live in the States. When I explained that he needs mountains and preferrably an ocean, they still didn't see why it was just as practical to go ahead an live in Canada than live in Colorado or California or somewhere like that. As if it's easier to get from Colorado to Missouri in the dead of winter than it is from BC. It's still a plane ticket, you know?
I'm excited for you, and I'm glad you are being so courageous to go and follow where you feel God is leading you. So many people stay in their comfort zones and never really live life to the fullest. You are leaving your comfort zone, stepping out in faith, and are beginning on an adventure that few get to live. Your life will be so much richer for it, and you'll have loads of riches to share with us as the years go by. (Don't you love the idea of choosing a life that involves the adventure of being poor in order to get a richer life?)
Enough of my rambling.......thanks for keeping us posted. I hope you keep on writing and keep on sharing. Besides, we'll be your English outlet when you need it.
Good job! As usual, well said.
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