Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Assorted Thoughts

I have a couple of things I want to write about. I don't think anything too long. So this post might jump around a bit...

We had our bi-annual family reunion this past Saturday, for the family of my father's mother. As in, my Grandma's siblings and their families. She was one of about 6, and they all had big families. No one manages to keep everyone at this thing straight, especially since most only see each other once every 2 years. This always felt like my Grandma's event for me. I usually introduced myself as her granddaughter and my father's daughter before giving my own name. But Grandma passed away a couple of months after the last one. I wondered what it would be like this year without her. Strangely, the day passed without me giving it much thought. No one mentioned her absence. I hung out mostly with our more immediate clan, touched down with the few distant cousins I've connected with over the years. And then it was over. I feel almost like I've betrayed her by not missing her more that day. I anticipated more emotion more than I actually experienced.

So, for those readers who pray, I'd appreciate all the prayers I can get. FB really needs to find a good, new job soon. He had a stable, well-paying job for several years. Then, several months back, what appeared to be an even better job presented itself. It was a shorter commute, better work culture, with more opportunity for advancement. After a lot of prayer, he went for it, and for all the right reasons. He wanted to be home with me a little more and be able to provide well. In reality, it turned out to not be a good fit. And since it was almost entirely based on commission, he hardly made anything. So he's searching again. It's rough, with the timing being what it is. The Lord has always been faithful to provide for me though (most of you know I've never made much, but also had very little debt), so I know He has something in store for us now, too. But you know how waiting can be...

I'm back to trying to find the balance between allowing myself to feel the myriad of emotions that come with preparing both to get married and to move so far away, but at the same time not become overwhelmed with them. I have a tendency to just kind of freeze them up, but everything gets frozen. So I don't have to deal with the sad/nervous/anxious feelings, but I also don't get to have the excited/happy/joyful ones as much. Maybe writing will help - maybe you'll see more on this soon.

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