Leaving home, Going home

So excited to see my husband (70 hours and counting) :)

So hard to say good-bye to my out of town siblings and their families last night :(

Looking forward to reuniting my daughter with her daddy and some of her favorite family members :)

Dreading the last good-byes to the rest of my family, especially knowing that Katya won't understand the permanency of these good-byes :(

There have been so many, what shall I call them?, mental conflicts?
Watching one of those remodeling shows and realizing that the amount of money they spent on the dining room would be enough for us to live on for almost 3 years.
Watching the way some people here use water (turning on the water before even putting the toothpaste on the brush...), knowing my husband barely had enough water to bathe, do laundry, etc.
Watching what people here consider to be 'in need' or on a tight budget, knowing the abundance they actually have in comparison with my situation or that of many I know.
Watching what some girls are comfortable wearing here these days, even to church, coming from a culture of knee length or longer.
Enjoying the comforts and comfort foods of home, yet simultaneously feeling a little out of place and looking forward to the simplicity and honestly healthier lifestyle of home.
Struggling with faith, knowing that it "is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen", and seeing the needs and unknowns of our life. (For example, we've been gifted with more than half of what we need for the birth in a private hospital - hooray! But of course, that means that a little less than half is still needed....My husband has a job, but 100% commissions do not add up to what we need, and no other job has opened up...)

Sorry to say that I am too tired to come up with a good ending to this, but at least I managed to get one more post in before I go, and included at least most of what has been rattling around in my brain of late...

Feeling a little rusty

The thing about blogging is that if you are blogging consistently, you almost start to see all of life through the lens of the possible blog post. There are an endless supply of posts. But when you are NOT blogging consistently, it gets harder and harder to put together a good post. With such limited internet access the last year or so, I am definitely feeling rusty. But I can't let a whole month of unlimited internet access go by without posting at all, so here goes...

THE VISIT:
I am a pretty social person. But having relationships of varying degrees in more than one place, with the distance factor complicating things, causes me to literally want to avoid acquaintances. I just don't have the energy for them. I have a limited amount of time to see family and close friends, and that is emotionally draining (not to mention the emotional energy involved in missing my husband and everyone else back home). In large group settings I find myself cringing when I see certain people coming, or just sort of shutting down because I can't figure out who is important enough to invest in. It feels almost like a personality change. Then there are the people who I want to see but somehow we don't seem to connect - I can't always tell if I am just not enough of a priority for them, or...?

And speaking of back home, I have to just comment that it is so strange how your parents house is forever home (at least if they still live in your hometown). I had never even seen this house before this visit, but both in my own mind and in that of many others (strangers and friends alike), I was headed home. But of course, at the same time, Saltillo, my husband, etc...that is home.

And I am missing home. Big time. My husband and I were both of the feeling, when we talked yesterday, that a month may just be too long for solo visits. This has been a bit hard on both of us, and definitely harder on him than he expected. He had encouraged me to take advantage of the opportunity to come up; 4 weeks was his idea. But he is finding that he feels awfully lonely, that he now has double the missing to do (last time I came up alone, I was pregnant with Katya...he didn't miss her yet. Now he misses both of us), that hanging out with his family just isn't the same anymore after 2 1/2 years of living with our little family. And although I am enjoying seeing everyone up here, I miss my husband big time. And although I of course have lots of help from my family with Katya, I am finding it very draining to be the only one responsible for her ... the one to make all discipline decisions, always deal with all nap/bedtime fights, etc.

I must be a bit tired, or missing home right now, because so far this post sounds a bit depressing or negative. I AM truly enjoying all the time with my family, spending time with friends that I miss, seeing people at church, seeing all the GREEN here (Saltillo is pretty much a desert), going up to the lake, etc.

Speaking of the lake, I have to share that Katya just loved it! In Saltillo, a large puddle after a big thunderstorm is about as much water as we ever see, so Katya just kept looking around and saying every 15 seconds, "aqua!". Then she'd tell Gramma, then Papa, then an uncle..."aqua". Topped off with all the passing boats, ducks, and swans, and all and all it was a very exciting experience.

Katya has done great adjusting to being here. Within an hour of arriving, she was checking out the house on her own, interacting with everyone. To varying degrees and on different timelines, she has given everyone in the house names that she can say, let them carry her, etc. She even warms up pretty quickly to each new friend we visit. She's been learning new words almost everyday, most of them in English (strangely, since arriving here she learned 'hola' and 'bien').

I put that label of 'the visit' up there because I have at least one other topic I was going to hit as well, but I am thinking this post has gotten long enough and I will save that for another post in the next couple of days.

A JOB!!

My husband has a job! For the 1st time in almost an entire year, he got a yes!

Now, we still covet your prayers, because it is 100% commissions, no base salary. But a job is still a job, and much, much better than no job at all.

He will be working in a bank, ´selling´ credit cards, insurance plans, etc.

The big upside...he will work normal, 40 hour work weeks, Mon-Fri, and will be at a desk in the office...no crazy driving all over town stuff like the last job. :)

I can´t remember the name of the bank, but its owned by the man who is even richer than Bill Gates and from Mexico...

Today he went in and filled out all the pre-hire paperwork, and tomorrow or Wednesday he´ll start his training or orientation or whatever you want to call it.

THank you so, so much for all of your prayers!!!!

___________________

In other news, because I ran out of time last time, we have switched churches. This has been a major decision for us that we have struggled with since actually before the wedding, about 2 years now. It has been hard, mostly because we really felt like we were with family at our first church. At the new church we knew only a handful of people getting started, although I am happy to say that after 5-6 weeks, I do know a few names and faces now. But we reached a point where we really felt it was where God wanted us, that He has a plan for us and for the family of my husband in that church and under that Pastor´s care. We actually will be meeting with the Pastor in about a half hour. Anyways, for that reason, I can´t write more now, but it has been a major change for us that I wanted to share here, even if it is only a little bit.

Thanks again for all the prayers. I´ll keep doing my best to stay in better touch!

snapshots of life since returning

writing one handed, so sorry about skipping puntuation...

*the peaceful death of a 96 year old man, and the grief of a large family extending to the 4th generation (about 85% of my church is a part of this family). burials here happen within about 24hrs - the grief is quite raw

*visiting an aquaitence, a 32 yr old man who suffered a severe stroke while we were away and is slowly regaining use of his left side. has a diagnosis of being a walking time bomb. surgery that could help would cost 2-3 yrs gross salary. waiting for a miracle.

*something like 15,000 people in our city have lost their jobs recently. tens of thousands more are at risk of losing theirs and are currently only receiving half pay. (our economy has depended heavily on such factories as GM and Chrysler...)

*job hunting....there just isn´t even anything to try applying for...

*enjoying being together 24/7 after a long distance courtship/engagement and a year with 70-80 hour work weeks

*an almost 5mo old baby girl who delights us with her many smiles and all she is learning

*sun :) 60-70 deg highs :)

*visiting with all the friends and family that missed us while we were away

*finally receiving some clarity, insight and direction on a spiritual issue that has hung over us like a cloud for over a year

*yet another level of freedom in an area of bondage

*attempting to explain Rochester weather to people who think anything under 65 is cold and rarely experience anything under 30

A Voting Link

I´ve seen some varying thoughts on others´ blogs about how they might vote in the upcoming election. But it was this post that made the biggest impression on me. I also found the John Piper link in the post interesting.

Thoughts?

A Cultural Observation and A True Wifely Rollercoaster

Ok, so let me preface this by saying that in no way am I attempting to put myself down or put myself on some type of pedastal....this is purely a cultural observation and something I am trying to adjust to. I consider myself to have a pretty healthy self-image, all things considered, so dont worry about that in reading the following.

In America, as in, all of my life up until now, I was not what one would consider stand-out pretty. I think, normally, you have to be blond, extra tall or thin, or bronzed skined to garner extra attention from the male species. (Excuse all my broad generalizations, please) I have long been average height and weight, very white, and decidely brown-haired. Nothing that attracted a whole lot of obvious attention in public.

Here, however, I automatically stand out because I am American. And you can see in my sidebar picture just how much whiter I am than people here. In Rochester, there is a pretty diverse cross-section of many nationalities. Here, it is pretty much completely, uniformly, Mexicans. I am very different. (I am also very thankful for brown hair so I can at least blend in a little bit!) I draw attention. I mean this in the most innocent of ways as well as the not so innocent of ways. I am pretty sure that I am remembered by my 2nd visit of any of the little shops, cybers, or even the supermarket I frequent. I am memorable. But also, when I walk by myself somewhere (which I do somewhat regularly since I do not have my own car and happen to like walking), men on the streets are staring at me....and occassionally vocalizing their attention.

Being recognized in the places I frequent is something I appreciate. It makes unfamiliar places and things feel comfortable and safe faster, especially since it makes for that many less people I have to worry about understanding the fact that I am not yet fluent in Spanish.

Being whistled or stared at is something I do not like at all. I am currently reevaluating my wardrobe. Do I own things less flattering? Mind you, I usually just have on your basic pair of jeans and a comfortable top. Should I buy a few baggy, shapeless items for when I leave the house alone? Do I dress as always and just continue to act like I do not see or hear these men? Thoughts, anyone?

My oh-so-wonderful husband hopes it never happens in his presence, because he thinks he will react in anger. However, I am pretty sure it is unlikely to happen as long as I am with him. He says to just ignore it as I have been, though.
-----------------------------------------

So, I lost it last night, just broke into tears, while talking to my husband. I am sure you all can understand.... I mean, he told me he did NOT want his breakfast sandwhich this morning quite the way I planned on making them. That is obviously cry worthy, right? You all see where I am coming from here, I am sure.

Seriously, though, I got pretty upset when he made faces and expressed the exact opposite of interest in the combination of ingredients I mentioned (and that I was actually looking foward to). I insisted he at least try it (he never had before). But I did not realize how upset I was until he said something to the effect of, *Ok, I will try it. Just please dont be sad about this, ok?* At which point I started crying.

At first I wasnt even sure why. Then I realized, I have been a little stressed about the whole cooking thing. Cooking for him is one of my most important wifely tasks, you know? And I need to cook at least 2x a day.... culturally, you eat a big, cooked breakfast that can last you until the big, main, midday meal. But I do not know how to make very many of the dishes he is accustomed to, at least, not yet. And one of the ones I thought I did know how to make (eggs with chorizo), he had told me a few days earlier he prefers a different way!

We have discussed that at times I will make things I am familiar with and that he is more than willing to try them. I had always found him to not be very picky, and it appeared he´ll eat just about anything. But as I said, this week he actually asked me to make something differently, and now he was telling me he did not want what I planned on making for breakfast. You can understand how I suddenly had nightmarish visions of him regularly refusing to eat what I made, particularly anything I am really comfortable making. And so I lost it. (This would be the low point of my above mentioned wifely rollercoaster.)

I was able to express what I was feeling, he did his usual great job of comforting me, and agreed to try things even if it sounded strange to him (he ended up liking my breakfast by the way). We also discussed the possibility of me spending time with him mom and sisters so I can learn more about the dishes he is used to (which was something I had thought I´d be able to do back when I was going to live with them before the wedding).

And now you may be wondering, what about the high point of my wifely rollercoaster?

Well, I made rice today for our midday meal. And it was good.

That may sound silly and little to you all, but let me explain. This is coming from the girl who only ever bought anything other than instant rice one time when I first moved out of my parents house and didn´t acutally know the difference between real and instant rice but only saw that it was cheaper. I don´t think I ever made it more than once...? In case you weren´t sure, they don´t eat instant rice here.

To further explain, not only do they not use instant here, but it is not cooked in a saucepan. They cook it in a frying pan. In fact, they start out by cooking it in oil. Then you add flavorings and something that turns it pink. And the few times I tried to ask anyone about how to do it, I got very vague instructions (cause it is just one of those things that everyone here does, and does slightly differently).

So maybe now you can appreciate why it was such a high point for me, especially after last night´s cooking breakdown, to successfully make tasty rice, and be told by my husband (who did not know I had never made it before) that it was really good. :)

FAQ

As suggested by a good friend, I am going to share with you all this morning the most frequently asked questions posed to me in the last several months.

So, are you (getting) excited??
This question bugs me. Are you serious? Of course I'm excited! I'm getting married!! I think this is the kind of question people ask when they don't take the time to actually think of something to talk about.

When are you leaving/when is he coming?
This question, although much more valid than the last one, has definitely gotten old. But only because until just a couple of weeks ago, I had no good answer for this. Sometimes I'd give some vague answer about what we were hoping would happen, other times I just said I had no idea. And although I think I have handled all of our ever-changing plans pretty well (thank you very much), not being able to give a good answer to this question invariably brought on a subtle roll of anxiety in my gut.

Will you work when you get there?
Umm, I was thinking that moving to another country, mastering a foreign language, and getting married would be enough major adjustments for one time. Plus, just about any job is going to require a little more Spanish than I currently have. Of course, considering our current financial status, it may become necessary. Which kind of stresses me out sometimes.

How many days?
This one is asked consistently by a few people who know how much I enjoy counting down to the wedding :) (32 days, in case you didn't notice. and only 9 until he gets here!)

Are you ready?
This one has started popping up more recently. I usually answer that I don't think it is really possible for me to know until it happens. I don't even have anything remotely close in my life to compare this to.

How are your parents with all of this?
Not a bad question, I suppose, except that the answer seems so obvious. How do you think they are doing? They feel like just about any parent would feel (at least, within a healthy family relationship)...they are excited about the marriage to a great guy, excited their daughter is happy, sad that we'll be living so far away.

The extreme repetitiveness of these questions makes me feel a bit like a high school senior (you know, when all you are ever asked is if you "know what you want to do next year/with the rest of your life?"). It's not that some of the questions aren't valid, but that so many times it feels like the person asking didn't give any thought to the conversation, just grabbed onto the easiest, most obvious question that popped into their head. It also makes me feel a bit one dimensional, if that makes sense. I truly appreciate the few who show how much they truly care (even if they do ask one of the FAQs), who you can tell stopped what they were doing or thinking about long enough to really listen and go a little deeper than the surface.

Questions I wished I was asked more often:

Is there anything I can do for you?/Do you need anything?
I don't always have a good answer for this one, but it makes me feel cared for. Luggage and cash are about the only gifts I'm accepting at this point. Help packing can be nice. Prayers are huge. Speaking of which...

How can I pray?
I love this one. There are so few tangible ways anyone can help me, but there are lots of things I'll take prayer for. My answer can vary based on who I am talking to and what other things we've already discussed, but a few of the biggies include:
-FB's job situation. His current salary does not even come close to cutting it. And I'm just talking paying the bills, not anything extra or comfort based.
-My Spanish!
-My transition. This is a huge change, and it's only gonna work by God's grace. Related to this - my emotions. To be able to process them in a healthy way without becoming overwhelmed by them. Also related - building relationships with people even though I'm not yet fluent in their language.
-Honestly, I truly worry sometimes about whether I'll be a good wife. I'm thinking that probably a lot of soon-to-be-married women have this concern. Mine is compounded by all the cultural adjustments (will I be able to make foods he likes/is used to? will homemaking skills I have here easily transfer to a place with different customs and resources? will my Spanish improve quickly enough for me to be able to communicate effectively with him?)

Of course, watch - I'll end up missing being asked all these questions once I'm surrounded by non-English speakers and missing everyone here :P

Cyclical emotions

Ummm... do you realize that my man will be here in 20 days??! That's right - less than 3 weeks from now. Do you also realize that only a few short days after he arrives, we'll leave together - as in, I will make a permanent move to another country??!

This knowledge sends me through the following cycle of emotions:

1) I'm so excited I want to jump up and down because there are only 20 short days until I can see the love of my life!! And where every other time I've seen him, I've had to leave him less than 2 weeks later - this time I will be seeing him every day indefinitely!!

2) I become almost paralyzed at the thought of packing for a move to another country. I have moved many times in my life, including 9 moves in the last 11 years (is that not ridiculous??). But to move to another country? One far enough away that I am flying, not driving - meaning anything and everything I want to bring with me needs to fit into a suitcase. Oh, and each suitcase has to fit the ever lowering weight limit unless I want to pay exorbitant fees - meaning I have to think very carefully about which items I pack together in each suitcase.

3) Ok, quick disclaimer on this one: I have never been more sure of something in my life. I absolutely know that this move is exactly what I want to and should do. BUT - I am slightly in shock that in a little more than 3 weeks, I am going to move to another country. I am, as in, me - the girl who has lived within a 5 mile radius her whole life (minus one or 2 years that were less than 15 miles out).

4) A deep sadness about all the people who I love and care about who will be here while I am there, and how very much I will miss them.

5) A bit of disbelief, in a fairy-tale, very happy kind of way, that I am actually getting married - to a man that I love and respect very, very much. And just to put the icing on the cake, so to speak, I am beginning to feel like I will truly look like a princess on my wedding day. (Have I mentioned how much I like my dress? And jewelry? And how I now have the perfect make-up? Oh, I have? Ok, good.)

On a related note, a friend recently mentioned how she will soon be celebrating her 9th anniversary. There have been many times that I have reassured myself that I have not been single all that long, that I am still relatively young, etc. And then a friend mentions she's been married almost 9 years (and she was a senior in college when she married - an adult, by most everyone's standards), and I realize that I actually have been a single adult woman for quite a while. I've kinda gotten used to it, in fact, and have learned to enjoy many aspects of it (not that I ever enjoyed it enough to want to stay single!). I'm thinking married life might be a bit of an adjustment.

Anyone else tired yet? Because I am. This transition stuff is exhausting.

They're booked!!

I booked the flights this morning!

They aren't perfect - FB's ticket ended up a bit more expensive than I expected, and we arrive back in Mexico kind of late - but he'll arrive here at 2:30 in the afternoon, which maximizes his time here. We don't leave till 11:00 am that Monday. And there's only one layover in each direction. And unless there's some major issue, he should have enough time to get through customs and immigration on the way up here.

So, I really am leaving. Funny how much more things sink in when there's an actual date and flight. I've known for over a year that this was coming, but while all the dates were fuzzy, it was easy to not really consider what all it meant. Hmmm. That isn't exactly what I'm trying to say, but it is the best I can do to put it into words for the moment.

I've been crying a lot ever since the date to leave was set. Not long bouts of sobbing or anything. Just moments where someone comes to mind and I realize how much I'll miss them and how much it hurts to leave them. Maybe it's the thought of a nephew or niece, or just before I call a good friend, or after calling my mom about the hundredth thing that day. And I'll lose it (sometimes completely, sometimes just a few tears) for a minute or 2. Times that by several times a day. It's kind of exhausting.

On the other hand, I'm so excited about seeing FB that I can hardly stand it! I keep thinking about the really great part where I don't have to say good-bye to him for a long time to come. I'll be with him everyday. And I'm looking forward to the time I'll be spending with his family before the wedding (I'll definitely be staying with his mom, sister, and nieces for the few weeks between my arrival and the wedding, and he and his brother will go live in the house we're going to rent). I can't wait to see all my friends in Saltillo. I'm already hoping I get to go to home group the night after I arrive so I can see some of them.

I'm working hard at making sure I turn to the Lord with all my ups and downs. I don't know why it is that it is so easy to avoid the Lord exactly at the times you most need Him. So, when I find myself in tears or anticipating the excitement of being with my man, I am really trying to stop and talk to the Lord about it for a moment. Ask Him for help, or thank Him for the ways I'm blessed, or just share what I'm feeling.

All in all, this is quite the roller coaster ride. Please pray I don't completely exhaust myself as I work through all the emotions. Please pray I do indeed work through all the emotions. Please pray for supernatural organizational and packing abilities. Please pray for the right priorities for FB's time here.
Thanks.

Checking in...

So, I do have some good pictures contrasting raining and sunny fall colors - I just haven't had a chance to download them to the computer yet. But they are coming :)

I'm excited because this weekend I'm get to enjoy what has become one of my favorite fall traditions...driving with a friend down the back roads to the Naples end of Canandaigua Lake to buy a grape pie. The views are fantastic, especially if I time it right to catch the colors (which I think we've managed to do). And grape pie is one of those unusual but very yummy seasonal treats. Being able to do this is one of the perks of not leaving as early as I'd expected for Mexico.

Another perk of still being here, that I am also very excited about, is that I get to go visit one of my oldest friends next weekend :) I've known her since Kindergarten, love the man she married (he brings out all her best sides), and am looking forward to meeting the newest addition to their family. To top it all off, another good friend of many years to going with me! This is not the CA visit I had hoped for , but I am still grateful for the opportunity I wasn't sure I'd have.

In other news, good friends in Mexico (the Pastor and his wife) are expecting a baby! Very fun. They currently have 2 boys, who will be 10 and 12 by the time the baby comes :)

Rainy fall day

There is just something about a rainy fall day that is irresistible. I'm not big on rainy days in general. I mean, I'm not anti, but I'm not one of those people that just loves them either. But in the fall....
The colors are just amazing, deep, contrasted.

Yesterday was one of those beautiful, sunny, warm, blue sky (deep blue, like you only see in the fall) kid of days. Just gorgeous.
Today it has rained hard and steady all day. And it is at least as gorgeous as yesterday was.

I shot a few pictures yesterday. If I can figure out how to do it again today without getting soaked, maybe I'll post a couple for comparison.

Pre-Wedding Advice

So, I went around all weekend on retreat and asked married women (and widows) this question:

What do I need to know before I get married? What do you wish you had known, or what have you learned?

Here's some of my favorite answers (covering the spectrum of spiritual to funny):

* Put God first, then your husband, then your kids. It's too easy to let the kids rise to the top.
(I noticed on this one that I don't even make the list!)

* Communicate clearly about everything, from the beginning. Don't let stuff build up.

* No matter how poor you are, or how busy you are - go on dates!

* "Don't expect him to be just like Jesus. I thought at first he would be, because he loved me."

* Overlook the little annoyances. Chances are, he's clueless, not intentional.

* When you want God to change things in your husband - He'll probably change you!

* "I wish someone would have warned me - he poked me in the middle of the night, woke me up. And I was like, really? Now? I was sound asleep!"

* Laugh! Have a sense of humor!

* "Keep your mouth shut! and that's from someone who didn't :)"

* Know the difference between talking and communicating.

* There may be a day when you wake up and think, "Who are you? What am I doing here?" But push through it, and you'll come out with a strengthened marriage.

Anyone have anything else to add?? I'd love to hear from you!

Independence

I've been giving this concept some thought lately. This is partly due to comparing Mexican culture to American culture. One thing I've noticed is how Mexican culture is more family and community oriented, while America tends to breed an independent streak. Look at how we became a nation. It is in our blood.

Hmm, I'm having trouble organizing my thoughts well. Sorry if this comes out a little choppy.

It is interesting to look at how this cultural difference plays out generationally. For example, in America, we encourage and expect young adults to move out on their own. It is often considered a sign of maturity, or a way to attain maturity, if someone in the 18 - mid 20's range moves out of their parents' place into an apartment. In Mexico, on the other hand, it is extremely rare for a single adult to move out of their parents' home, and oftentimes newlyweds continue to live at home for the first couple of years. There's no negative connotation for doing so, but rather is expected.

At the other end of the spectrum, in Mexico it is expected and understood that the elderly will be cared for by family. Widows are supported by their children. I've never seen or heard yet of nursing homes or adult care facilities there. In contrast, many Americans struggle with the issue of how to care for the elderly. Either the elderly person is determined to maintain their accustomed lifestyle for as long as possible, or their children look for ways to provide them care without it having too big an impact on their own lives.

I've been giving thought to both ends of the spectrum in my own life and family lately. My remaining grandmother is 94 years old, and has stubbornly lived alone up to this point. She can hardly entertain the notion of leaving her home, has blocked almost every attempt we've made to offer help (for example, canceling Meals on Wheels within the first 48 hours). She's been in the hospital since Saturday; there's a diagnosis of congestive heart failure. Where walking was slow and difficult for her before, it's dangerous now. We can't send her home to live alone again, but we are equally sure she will protest any other option.

I've been thinking about the changes in my own life recently. A year ago (well, up to a few months ago), I lived alone. I was an elementary school principal. I was very action oriented, a problem solver, decision maker. Now? I live with my family. I am at the bottom of the totem pole at my workplace. I'm soon to move to another country, but the timing of said move is out of my hands. Interestingly, realizing the changes in my position have made me more trusting of my fiance.

I don't know how well all that makes sense to anyone else, but I needed to write it out. I'm curious to understand the cultural difference better as time goes on, and the impact those differences have in people's everyday lives. And I am glad I know the One who is in control of it all.

My 1st Non-"1st day back to school"

As my brothers headed out the door to their 1st day back to school, my mother made an interesting point:

This is the first year in something like 25 years, since I started at pre-school, that I am not heading off to my 1st day back to school. Immediately upon graduating HS, I headed to college, and immediately upon graduating college, I started working in a school. I've always existed, up to this point, on the school schedule. But not this year.

You'd think, for someone as sentimental and tradition oriented as me, that I'd feel this change more deeply. I guess it is a sign of being ready for this transition, of looking forward to the next phase of my life, that I've hardly realized it, much less had any major feelings on the subject.

I did call and email several good friends from my old workplace and wish them well on a new year. But I haven't really missed being there much at all. I guess that is a good thing....?

Language

Isn't it interesting how we say, "cup of coffee" but "glass of water"?

I was thinking this morning about how I had already had a cup of coffee and a glass of water to drink. The reason I stopped to think about the phrasing is because I didn't actually have the water in a glass. I was filling a water bottle to take to work and stopped to have a drink from it before refilling it to take with me. But the only phrase that came to mind was 'a glass of water'.

And technically, my coffee was in a mug.

Last day

This is it. Officially my last post from my little apartment.

I'm not a great live alone kind of person, but this was a pretty good year. It helped that I knew all along that it was only for a year or so. It was really an almost perfect little place for me. Just the right size. Well kept up. Great landlord. Cheap to heat. I LOVED walking to work. Overall a good experience. As always with moving, it is a bit sad to leave this place. But as I mentioned a couple of posts ago, I've moved 8 times in the last 11 years. And as a kid, we moved a few times as well. I've learned that any house can easily become 'home'.

When I mentioned to FB earlier this week that I was sorting and packing, preparing to move back to my parents', his first response was, "How are you feeling about that?" (I love that he asks me that about things - it helps me process and shows his empathy all in one fell swoop). The best I could reply at the time was that it will be different - lots of alone time here, lots of people there. Both can be either good or bad.

So begins the next in-between stage. Now I have things like bridal showers and wedding receptions to think about. And yet another phase of sort and purge (although I thought I was doing a pretty good job of this, seeing how much stuff it is when packed convinces me I will need to do better before leaving the country). I think these next few months are going to move along pretty quickly...

Well, I better go finish up with the last of things - the move is in just a few hours.

When did I become a plant person anyways?

My mother has never been very good with house plants. Somewhere along the way I decided I wasn't either. But then, maybe 5 or 6 years ago, a couple of people gave me plants as gifts. So I did my best to nurture them along out of respect for the people who gave them to me.

Then I moved into my first apartment. Suddenly, plants were very grown-up and homey things to have. Both of my roommates had a couple of plants themselves, and gave me a few pointers here and there on my plants. I started experimenting a bit with lighting, watering techniques, and plant food. Where before I had managed only to maintain, now they were starting to really grow.

One roommate got married at the end of that 1st year, and so the remaining 2 of us downsized a bit. Our favorite part of our new apartment, the thing that had really clinched the deal for us, was a sun room. Windows on three sides (facing N,E,and S), and matching arch shaped cut-outs facing into the living room. We put a bookshelf just under the bottom of the window sill along the longest wall, covered the top with plants and filled in the bottom with our most interesting books. A couple more plants adorned the cut-out arches. We loved that room.

We lived there 2 years, and in that time I think I managed to double my plant collection. How could any houseplant not thrive in such a beautiful space??! I would wander through the plant sections of Home Depot and Chase Pitkin every so often, choosing plants that had interesting colors or stripes. I rescued an unwanted plant or two from work. I took cuttings of the plants I had every so often when I pruned them and started new ones. When Grandma died, I took home one of the plants from the funeral, and took a cutting from her aloe plant (she'd been meaning to give me one...).

When I moved here a year ago, I gave away 4-6 plants I had started from cuttings. I brought 11 plants with me to my new small apartment. Instead of buying curtains, I took the advice of a good friend and trained a couple of vines to grow around the windows. In some ways they were a bit overwhelming in such a tight space, but the decided opinion was that they made it feel warm and cozy.

I'm sure you see where this is going. How could I possibly take them with me? I can't. I'll have to start over when I get there. (I have happily noted that my future mother-in-law has quite the garden herself.) So, I started looking for homes for my plants. Didn't seem to be much point in moving them to my parents' house since there aren't good places to put them and they won't want them when I leave. A couple of my closest friends each took a couple. My boss wants one to remember me by. The finance office at work happily took both African violets. Another co-worker took my best vine (one of my first and original plants). I think my aunt would like the one from Grandma's funeral...

I'm happy to have found so many good homes, but I cried a little today after dropping a bunch of them off. It is hard to leave...

I hate moving

I really do. I hate packing - it is not a strength of mine. I always manage to make it more work than it needs to be. And in the process of doing that, I stress myself out with how much there is and how long it is taking. There's so much organizing, so much purging to be done. Made so much more worse by the fact that I tend to accumulate stupid stuff, I guess out of laziness. You would think that after moving something like 8 times in the last 11 years that I would have gotten better at it, that I'd have learned not to accumulate things, that it would stop stressing me out so much because I'm such a pro now. But sadly, that just doesn't seem to be true. I'm trying to stop proclaiming over myself that moving stresses me out and replace that mantra with something Godly and peace-oriented, but I haven't quite gotten that down yet.

Anyways, I'd better get back to work. My next move is in 3 1/2 days...

**To be fair to myself, this move would probably be pretty easy, as I do have more experience and have gotten somewhat better at not accumulating so much stuff. However, rather than just throwing everything in boxes, I have to determine what is or is not going to Mexico, and how soon I hope it can make it there. So each category of things that I own (i.e. music, clothes, books, decorations) is getting all laid out, sorted AND prioritized, THEN packed.**

Did I mention I'm in transition?

The timing of my Mexico trip and family vacation mean that I've essentially been away for 3 weeks. What makes that timing so interesting is that I need to wrap things up at my job and move out of my apartment (back home) by the end of the month. I don't know about the rest of you, but when I've been away from home for awhile, the last think I want to do is start sorting and packing. Not just any sorting and packing, but well thought out and organized so I know what is going to Mexico with me and when. And having been away from work for 3 weeks does not make it easy to get back in the swing of things. Thankfully, that part is pretty low-key.

I feel like I explain the timeline of the next several months multiple times a day and by now the whole world should know it. But I realize it is quite possible I have not explained it to all who happen to read this blog, so let me spell it out quick:

End of July: My contract at work is up and I stop receiving a paycheck. My lease is up on my apartment and I move home to save money.

Mid-Late October: FB comes to visit here for about a week. I go back with him, moving to Mexico.

December 29th: The wedding.

Up until recently, my plans for between the end of July and the end of October were pretty vague, revolving around whatever I felt I needed to tie up all my loose ends here before moving away. However, circumstances have conspired against me in such a way that my savings account has shrunk significantly. So where before I considered some very part-time work to just keep things even, I am now feeling a strong need to work at least half-time and earn some money in the next couple of months. Although I won't have to pay rent, I'll still have things like gas, going out with friends, etc, that will require money. And there are a couple of bigger things I want to do, like consider new glasses and maybe make a trip to CA. Thankfully, my dad has connections and can probably help me find an office job (which is perfect for me since most of my part time jobs over the years were office jobs, and it is a pretty low-stress, mindless kind of thing).

This is a very interesting stage to have come to. I am thankful to close the chapter of this last year, because it was very hard to basically have a whole year of working and living in places I knew I'd soon be leaving. I feel like I am moving on, am much closer to the wedding and starting the next chapter. However, for the moment, I am between things, in a type of holding pattern for about 3 months. I haven't quite sorted out what I think and feel about this yet....maybe there will be more to come.

And now for a sappy moment.....
I miss my man!!!
The combination of not being as busy now since I am simply wrapping things up at work and having just recently returned from a visit in which I was able to spend at least several hours everyday with him - suffice it to say that our internet dates for an hour or 2 every 3-4 days seem awfully paltry now.

I promise, pictures really are coming soon. I just can't load them from home, and when I was working on it the other day, the computer I was using froze. Soon, really.

From Vacation

So, I was just about to write a post about how we've temporarily escaped the perpetually damp campgrounds for a little coffee shop, and how although I am enjoying time with family, the rain and the fact that I missed my date with my love thanks to a power outage are putting a damper on things, when...

...I realized he was online and got to chat with him for about 10 minutes. How that brightened my day! :)

Seriously, over all, I am having fun and relaxing. It is good to be with family, although a harsh reality that it was only for about 16 hours that all of us were here at once - and that wasn't even all of us since one of my brothers and his wife can't make it at all. I was very prepared for a hot, sunny, hang out by the pool or beach kind of vacation, and instead it is a cool, rainy, muggy kind of vacation. But, lots of quality time. I just have to push my PMS emotions out of the way once in a while.

Ok, I should get back to the quality time instead of posting...