A collection of thoughts

So, I am currently listening to the drumming of a ritualistic dance/celebration for an idol that is taking place in front of the Catholic church a couple of buildings away from me. The dancers are dressed in traditional, indigenous outfits, very bright. Interesting, huh?

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In other news, we were back to the Dr´s this morning. Things looked pretty good, with me dropping a pound and the baby apparently gaining a little over a pound (estimated weight: 7lbs 11oz - which is actually my birth weight). The Dr did another internal exam, and it sounds like I hadn´t dilated at all at that point. When all was said and done, he announced that he´d like to induce next week (Wednesday, Oct 1st) if I haven´t already gone into labor. Something to do with the rate at which the placenta is ageing. I am not necessarily a huge induction fan, but considering the many levels at which I am out of my element right now (country, language, first baby....), I don´t really feel up to disagreeing with his strong personality and opinions. I am just happy he´s talking induction rather than C-section, and actually said he thinks I´m a better candidate for a normal labor than for surgery.

Both my husband and I are hoping and praying for labor to start on it´s own before next Wednesday - and in fact, it may have already. I have been having contractions at varying levels of strength and varying intervals all day. Actually, I had come last night, too. So we´ll see what happens. Obviously, any and all prayers are appreciated at this point!

One way or another, my little girl will be here in the next week. The thing that is funny to me about that is that those ticker countdowns I put on the blog just might be right on :)

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My 3rd and final shower was Saturday. Actually, I feel like I had 2 showers on Saturday, because that morning a package arrived from a very good friend who appears to have had fun shopping for us :) But the official one was thrown by my in-laws, who made me feel very loved by all the thought, planning, work, and money that went into making it something special. Several guests we thought were for sure never showed (including, for example, a cousin) - that was the only downer. I received a variety of really nice gifts, ranging from very practical (diapers, medicine dropper, nose suction cleaner thing), to fun (hairbands!), to special (handmade by the giver sweaters), to cozy (fleece baby blankets), to possible winner of best gift (a hardcover/pages children´s bilingual Bible!).

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Don´t know how many of you have followed the AIG bank woes, but that is the parent company that my husband is working for. He already was feeling enough pressure of late to feel his job is at risk. We´re obviously feeling that pressure even more now. Still waiting to see what God has in store on the job front, and hoping it is something new and better just around the corner...

Thank you`s, FYI, and Showers

Wanted to make sure I thanked all of you who
a) have been commenting all along :) and
b) recently came out of the woodwork :)

I feel much better about the whole `void` thing, and remotivated to post regularly. Plus, it was so good to hear from a couple of people I hadn`t in a while.

I`m pretty sure there are still more of you out there who check in and never say anything - would love to hear from you too!!

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After one of my girlfriends `threatened` to start calling me every 2-3 days to make sure she knew when I give birth, I realized I should clue you all in to my plan to have someone (prolly my sister) post here on the blog for me (an most likely on Facebook, too) when the baby is born with the essential details. I have too many friends spread out all over to come up with any better way of making sure you all hear the happy news.

And we do have a hospital - I can`t remember if I have officially said that here. It is a small, private hospital that opened in 2000. My husband is allowed in with me for the delivery, as well as to spend the night in my private room (he gets a very nice leather couch...). It is clean, close to home, and a reasonable price (as far as private hospitals go...).

The Dr I have been seeing all along for prenatal care will be my attending physician for the birth, so there will be a familiar face, and he will be familiar with my history, etc.

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The first of 3 baby showers is tomorrow (Saturday), and another is on Sunday. Tomorrow`s shower, the first, was actually the last to be planned, and was a bit unexpected. It will be largely attended by people I have never met before - a testament to the culture here understanding the need to help others out, as well as never turning down a chance to socialize. The fun part is there will be 2-3 other American women that I have never met there - it should be interesting and helpful to connect to others like me.

Sunday`s shower is being put on by the women at church and will be help immediately following the service.

I`m looking foward to the chance to hang out with all these ladies, as well as begin to wrap my brain around what I do/don`t have and/or need. Our budget is simply too tight to have spent any money on anything until seeing what we are given.

Another neat note of divine provision...
One day last week I took inventory of what clothing I have been given so far. It isn`t much. I spent the next day or 2 trying NOT to wonder how on earth we will ever affort buying clothes for our little girl. On Saturday, one of my good friends informed me that her mother-in-law, who barely knows me (I remember interacting at my friend`s wedding...?), was probably sending me a box or so of baby clothes - many like new or with the tags still on. Even if the box never shows, it was a great reminder of how God can use very unexpected sources to provide for us.

Mountains, a few pregnancy thoughts, and ¨The Void¨

In response to Inkling´s comment about that last picture, that was taken about 30min - 1hour from where we live. We live in a very mountainous area, but our city is generally considered to pretty desert like. It isn´t quite a true desert, because there are trees and flowers and bushes that grow here. But they tend to never get very big, and for example there is never any grass unless someone goes out of their way to plant and nuture it. The area in that picture, although relatively close, gets a lot more rain than we do for reasons I do not understand -and so is always infinitely greener and prettier, making for a good picnic/day-trip detination. Not that our city isn´t pretty in it´s own right. You just have to get used to seeing a lot of bare dirt and shades of brown. One day soon, I´ll see if I can post a couple of pictures to help explain what I mean.

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I keep forgetting to mention how much I am really enjoying doing pregnancy pilates, and in particular how much I like this book. I´ve long been a Pilates fan, since several years back when I was losing a significant chunck of weight. And doing them now helps me feel like I have a little bit of control over a body that I generally feel is out of my control these days, as well as helping to feel like my body is the way it should be, for lack of a better description. Like things are lined up and connected as they should be despite all the weird muscle and joint things that happen when you are pregnant.

Speaking of my body being the way it should be...
My sister reminded me that my body still won´t be my own as long as I am nursing, but I am looking forward to feeling like it is a little more predictable. I am particularly looking foward to being able to do things like get out of the car or roll over in bed without making a production of it. :) I am honestly not overly uncomfortable (I did not say I am not uncomfortable, just not overly so), but am beginnging to look forward to having a non-pregnant body for a while.

On another note, I have been reading through the prophets the last couple of months for my daily devotions (and finding them much more interesting than I ever remember finding them in the past- having a study Bible helps I think.). But I am beginning to wonder if my timing was a little off in choosing to read them - there are way too many times when they refer to a woman in labor to make a point about the terrible things that are coming (the pain will be like a woman in labor, they will scream like a woman in labor, etc). Not very reassuring to someone about to go through labor for the first time!

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And now for ¨The Void¨.

Let me start by saying thank you to those of you who reply to my blog in one way or another.

As for the rest of you...

I am beginning to feel like I am writing into the void of nothingness. Sitemeter tells me that there are people coming to read my blog, and it isn´t just Otrgirl and Inkling checking in over and over. (For those of you who are unfamiliar with Sitemeter, it gives me very general statistics about who comes to my blog. Don´t worry - I get no personal information out of it.) But despite an average of 10 people checking in per day, I get very little feedback from you all.

I wanted the blog to be a communication tool, a jumping off point to staying in touch with a variety of people. It helps me maximize my online time by letting all of you know what is up with me at the same time. But beyond that, I was hoping some of you would have some response to what I write, and maybe clue me in on your life.

I have had a couple different people tell me now that they feel funny leaving comments on the blog, knowing that the ´general public´ could potentially read them. If that is the case, send me an email, using what I posted as your jumping off point.

Ok, I don´t want to drag this out or sound like I am complaining. I just feel a little demotivated sometimes to make the effort to post since I am getting so little feedback. And more than that, there are several of you that I am pretty sure read my blog that I would really love to hear from sometimes - I miss you!

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Tomorrow we have another Dr´s appointment, so there should be a new baby update in the next day or 2. I can hardly believe I am down to the last month or so. My overwhelming emotion is a desire to know my daughter, and to see that she is healthy and well. I am getting a little nervous sometimes - feel free to pray that I will be ready in every way for what is to come, and will have a labor free of any major problems.

The day to day stuff, and the extraordinary

So, we made it through the month of July. It was pretty crazy, especially since we were without the car for 2 weeks, but we survived. They gave everyone an entire weekend off (Saturday AND Sunday) at the very beginning of August. That was awesome, and there was a noticable lift in my beloved´s mood the following week. They finally told him at the end of last week the new expectations - they don´t have to keep working every Sunday (although I am guessing they will work the last one of the month like they used to), but they have to work full instead of half days from now on every Saturday. And a full day will continue to be 35 instead of 28 visits. They are still ´considering´ giving a little more gas money (which seems like it should be a given since they are doing the equivalent of almost 2 full extra days, based on the old number, of visits per week); there is no extra pay.

Over the last month or so, my husband has managed to go to a few interviews based on what he found the day we went to the circus. But nothing has come together.

I am almost half way through my 3rd trimester, and am definitely feeling it, although I am doing pretty well overall. I just need to say that 2nd trimester is heavenly and by far the best part of being pregnant. Of course, since I felt so energetic and almost normal, it flew right by me. Third trimester came along, and I started feeling suddenly more awkward, slower, bigger. I tire easier, and retain water more/more often. I am up going to the bathroom a lot again, although some nights are better than others. There are also nights I just can´t get comfortable. I get really excited about the nights I get to sleep 3 hours straight. As my husband said this morning, the good thing is I almost always fall asleep again very quickly. Several weeks back I started noticing Braxton-Hicks contractions. At that point they were completely painless, just sort of odd feeling. The last week or 2 they have a definite crampy feeling to them, a mild kind of pain. It finally occured to me the other day to start praticing now relaxing through a contraction instead of tensing up.

I haven´t done any major nesting kind of things, but I am slightly anxious about the fact that we are getting nowhere on choosing a name. And I would like to see the crib put together soon. I was told on Sunday about 2 different baby showers they are planning for me here - one through church, and one by my in-laws. Culturally here, they think you shouldn´t have the shower until the last 6 weeks of the pregnancy, so one is the first Sunday in September (the 7th), the other the 3rd Saturday(the 20th). I´m due at the very end of September or beginning of October, so here´s hoping the baby doesn´t come too early ;)

Today I finished reading a novel about Esther - completely in Spanish. I am feeling pretty good about that. I read a bit slower in Spanish, but not extremely so. I didn´t understand every single word, but I only used the dictionary maybe a dozen times through the whole book. I wrote a birthday card to my beloved the other day (he turned 30 on Saturday), and he told me he sees a huge improvement in my Spanish (I´ve been writing to him since early on in our relationship, always in Spanish). He said he would think another 2-3 months and I will be quite fluent.

Ok, now for the extraordinary. You may remember that we have been trying to figure out a good option for the birth, and I asked for prayer along those lines. Well, although we tried to pursue things with the midwife we had found, she appears to have dropped off the face of the earth. So we decided to start looking around at private hospitals, knowing we most likely did not have the money, to see what kinds of options there were. I believe it was 2 weeks ago today that we managed to squeeze in our first 2 hospital visits. We were suitably impressed. Clean, bright, private rooms, more modern ideas (one offers water births, the other offers to videotape the birth for you). Both seemed relatively quiet and no where near full, leaving me feeling like I would get much better care than what I have heard is the norm in the overcrowded government run hospitals. Both allow my husband to be in the room with me. And both charge much more than we have.

The VERY NEXT DAY - we received news of the provision of a large sum of money towards helping us pay for a private hospital! From a completely anonymous and unexpected source. And it is EXACTLY the amount we need to make it happen! God is so faithful to provide!

We still haven´t chosen exactly which hospital. We visited a 3rd last week that we liked even more than the other 2. And we have one more that has been recommended to us to check out. But we have good options, and the ability to pay for it.

Even better, any of these hospitals would allow the Dr who has been providing my prenatal care to be the attending physician at the birth, and it doesn´t really change the prices at all as he charges more or less the same as we would pay to have a stranger from the hospital be the attending. So it looks like I will actually have someone I know and who knows me and about my pregnancy attend the birth. That is relatively unheard of here, and something I had long ago given up hoping for.

And I´ll end on that happy note :) I´ll give more info once we make our final decision on the hospital.

The Circus

So, I could go on and on about the frustrations of the last couple of weeks, the job situation, the major (read: expensive and time consuming) car repair.....how my poor husband was exhausted after only a week of this crazy new schedule, managed to complete his 35 visits 4out of 6 days - and yet was reamed out by his boss for not getting them done evryday and told he comes across like he doesn´t want to work hard. How now they want them to also include making visits between the hours of 6-11PM in hopes of finding more people at home.

But I am tired of thinking about it and feel like I´m very complainy of spirit lately.

So I am going to tell you about the circus instead.

The day the car broke down, my beloved chose not to work the rest of the day (it was broiling hot out and the idea of visiting clients by foot....). Instead, he spent a couple of hours job hunting, came home to eat, we got a few errands done....and then we went to the circus.

By the way, although he did find a couple of good leads on jobs that day, nothing has come through so far.

So, the circus. It set up in the next neighborhood over from ours, in an empty lot about the size of a gas station or corner store lot. If you bought your ticket ahead of time from the guy driving around the area with a loudspeaker, it was halfprice at only about $1.50 (American)/ticket. It seemed like a good chance to relax a little and enjoy some cheap entertainment. And it was within walking distance (a key point when carless) :)

We walked thru the entryway, handed over our tickets, and I suddenly felt like I had stepped back in time about 100 years. It was a dirt floor. Seating consisted of bleachers - literally thin planks of wood tied with rope to makeshift stands. If you had paid the premium price (I think like $5), you could sit a little closer in white plastic chairs.

The show opened with 2 girls, dressed in leotards and streamers that hung from their arms and waist, coming out and basically twirling in circles a few times to the music.

The opening act was essentially yo-yo tricks.

I think the whole operation ran with about 15 people. The first half of the show, several little boys were the stage hands for the different acts, and I wondered if they were sons of the men doing the acts and how they felt traveling with the show all the time. Then the 2nd half the show began, and those little boys were the acts, and the men who had been the acts earlier were now the stagehands!
During the break and after the show, anyone one of them could be seen selling the souveniers and snacks.

Every circus had animals, right? This one had miniature horses, and their tricks mostly consisted of walking the perimeter of the ring, and bowing when introduced.

My favorite act of the show was the clown, though. He wanted to throw knives at someone, and so came and picked someone randomly out of the audience. And trust me, the man chosen was not a plant - the looks on his face made that quite clear as we went through this experience! So, the clown and his assistents tied his arms above his head on the corkboard type thing that was the target. The clown put a ballon next to the man´s hip and started to pace off, preparing to throw a knife and break the balloon. We all knew there must be some trick here, including the poor man from the audience - I mean, this was a clown act after all! But at this point the victim, as I will call him, was starting to look pretty nervous. Then, just before the big throw, the clown has the brilliant idea to use a blindfold! He started to put it on himself, then turned and covered his victim´s face instead. And now, the big moment.....He paced off, turned and encouraged us to make a lot of noise, then quickly handed off the knife to the littlest stagehand, who ran up to the ballon and easily stuck the knife into it! Then they unblindfolded the man, so he could see that the ballon pop he heard was indeed caused by a knife arriving within inches of his body. They proceeded through this routine a couple of more times, and it was just hysterical watching the face of the poor victim each time, sure that the clown was going to hit him with one of those knives!

All in all, the show lasted about 2 hours, brought lots of laughs, and actually included a couple of impressive acts with people flying through the air or doing some amazing balancing. Of course, it also included more clowns, and a girl who could hoola-hoop like nobody´s business :)

Not bad for a cheap night´s entertainment - I only wish we would have had our nieces and nephews with us to enjoy it. And that the bleachers had been just a teensy bit more comfortable.

A Looooong Overdue Post - including a baby update

Yes, it has been truly ages since I´ve posted. I´ve since gone home (to my family in Rochester) and come home again (to my husband here in Mexico). Without spending a lot of time making excuses for my prolonged absence, I originally thought I might get some really good posting in while in Rochester with virtually unlimited internet access. Reflecting on why that didn´t happen, I think it is because since coming to Mexico, I´ve learned to see computer time as almost entirely for the purpose of staying in touch - and since I was already spending real time with the vast majority of people I would normally be staying in touch with, I wasn´t real motivated to get online. And I just haven´t gotten on much since getting back, for a variety of uninteresting reasons.

But the trip was great - I managed to spend time with all of my immediate family as well as each of the people on my short list of ´must sees´. That sounds simple, but keep in mind that I am the oldest of 7, and not all of my siblings live in Rochester these days. And coordinating the time to see them around the ´must sees´ busy schedules - I was glad I had kept my goal relatively simple and that I did in fact accomplish it. My apologies to those I wasn´t able to spend time with. I would have liked to, but there was only so much time to go around.

Otrgirl has written at different times about the energy it takes to keep up relationships long-distance. I must say that as good as it was to see everyone, it was also a bit exhausting at times. Of course, being pregnant might also have played a role in my tiredness.

I had lots of people ask me if it was weird to be back, but it was my home for the first 29 years of my life. It was just being home, being with family.

The biggest cultural observation that tickled me - how well trained Americans are to never touch a pregnant woman´s belly, at least without asking first. Here in Mexico, everyone touches my belly. It is often a part of their greeting or good-bye to me- an affectionate belly rub. I am one of those women who don´t actually mind at all, so that works. I´m not sure what it would look like if an American woman that hated belly touching moved to Mexico. But anyways, it was just funny to me to watch everyone´s restraint.

My final note on the trip home is that I missed my husband like crazy and was quite happy to find myself back hom with him when all was said and done.

As for the baby, we went for a check-up last Wednesday - my first visit in almost 2 months. After gaining only 3 pounds the first 4 1/2 months, this visit I had gained 11 pounds!! Guess I am all caught up on weight gain. Otherwise, baby and I both checked out as healthy and on target. The big news was finally getting a clear look at the baby´s gender. Remember this quote:
He said it is still a little early to be sure, and so he`d say he is abotu 80% certain that it is a..... boy! My beloved is thrilled, as he has been hoping for a boy since the beginning, and walked in the clouds the whole rest of the day :) For me it isn`t so important if we have a boy or girl, but it is fun to start thinking more specifically about who is inside of me, and to be able to use his name, etc. Don`t worry, though - we are both well aware that the Dr wasn`t sure, and are waiting for future ultrasounds to confirm.

Well.....as it turns out....the baby is actually a girl! So we had a couple of days of getting our mindset turned around, and now are thinking carefully about the names we didn´t think we´d be using yet :)

Ok, gotta run. But coming soon....photo fest! My sister gave me a memory card reader, so I think I should be able to easily load pics now :)

It`s not easy being green

Ok, so the point of this post is that I am white, not green. And it isn`t all that bad, really. I just couldn`t resist using that line since it sort of kind of relates to my topic today.

Which is, as you may or may not remember, that I stand out here in Mexico. I am very much in the minority, and very much not Mexican any way you want to look at it. I draw attention on a regular basis, both good and bad.

Ever since that last post on this topic, I have actually had very little of the undesirable type of attention - with one notable exception that I will share shortly. But I have had lots of the innocent type of attention lately. It is a good thing it doesn`t bother me much (I mostly find it slightly amusing), because I have this feeling it isn`t likely to end any time soon. You see, it is based in large part simply on the fact that I look very different - and I don`t forsee that changing. There`s times that it might have to do with my not yet fluent and strongly accented Spanish, so maybe as my Spanish continues to improve it`ll cut back on those times. But really, I think no matter how at home I feel here, I will always be a curiosity to others here.

Some recent examples:
*I stopped in at a papeleria for some copies a couple weeks ago, and the woman launched right into a whole interview/discussion of where I am from, why I am here, the time she spent in the US and her desire to return.

*We recently found a new little grocery type shop that is closer than the others we already knew about and has good prices - round about my 3rd visit, the woman who runs it apparently couldn`t stand her curiosity any longer. `Maam, you aren`t from here are you?` `Where are you from?` `Why are you here?`

*I went along with my friend last week to pick up her son from school. Her son`s teacher took one look at me, turned to my friend and asked, `Where is she from?`. She then turned to me and began to explain in strongly accented and not quite fluent English that she lived 12 years in California.

*Our church helped host a large women`s conference this past Saturday (large = over 200 women). At the beginning of the first service, as everyone turned to greet one another, one woman looked at me and greeted me in English. Later on, I was asked many a question by the women who know people in our church and wondered about me.

You get the idea. It really is interesting to see when and where someone`s curiosity will get the better of them around here!

Now, for the one notable not-so-nice instance of attention. I was sitting on a public bench in the shade downtown, reading my Bible and waiting for my husband to get out of the office. A middle aged couple came and sat at the other end of the bench for several minutes, I think to enjoy a moment in the shade. So at first, when a bit later an older man (in his 60s?) came along and sat down, I didn`t think too much of it. He greeted me, I responded politely and kept reading. A moment or 2 passed, and he said something brillant like, `reading the Bible...?`. I nodded and kept reading. He continued every couple of minutes or so to say things like how pleasant it was to sit in the shade, or to ask if I lived here in Saltillo. He explained he lived in one of the small towns a bit outside of the city. Small talk, you get the idea. I never uttered more that 1-2 words at a time, always going right back to reading. You know how sometimes you just have a feeling about people? He seemed pleasant enough on the surface, but I just had this gut reaction that I didn`t want to interact with him. I kept waiting for my husband to arrive - it was taking longer than he expected. Finally, the man began to work his way around to a point. `I really like ice cream.` Pause. `Do you?` Pause. `Can I invite you to get an ice cream?` I was so thankful to be able to truthfully answer, `I`m sorry. I am waiting for my husband.` He continued with his small talk type comments for another few minutes, and finally got up to leave. At which point it occurred to me that maybe I`d be better off waiting outside the office. :)

A little more on `Life Here`...

Of course, after writing that last post, I thought of several other things I should have mentioned...

For starters, it has been hot here since sometime in early March. By hot I mean generally a high in the 80s, somtimes a bit more. It is a very different type of hot than back home in Rochester. For one, it is dry heat - Saltillo is almost a desert. In contrast, the sun is way more intense here. Unlike people in Rochester who try to soak up every minute of sun they can, those who live in Saltillo rarely spend time in the sun on purpose if they can help it. The nice thing is, this city is apparently known for its natural air conditioning - there is almost always a breeze, and since we are in the mountains, it pretty much always cools off at night. Somewhere around late afternoon or early evening the breeze and air turn decidedly cooler, and although sometimes the houses stay warm for a while, we almost always end up pulling up the covers in bed at night.

On a related note, although I have become an even more religious sun-screen user (with very high SPFs), it is only mid-May and I am already the color I normally am in mid to late summer back in Rochester. I have a feeling I will be discovering new shades of tan I didn`t know I could reach.

Probably in part related to the differences in weather, and in part because people here operate on much smaller budgets, houses here are not made anything close to air-tight like they are in Rochester. So lucky me sometimes finds all manner of insects inside the house without a clue as to how they got in - we`ve had plenty of flies, several crickets, and assorted other bugs I don`t know the names of. I`m not overly squeemish about bugs, but I do generally leave the bug killing to my husband.

Also thanks to the random cracks in the house (especially around window and door frames), lots of dust/dirt gets in. Yes, more gets in because I like to have the windows open, but even closed, dirt gets in. In part this is a function of where we live and the construction going on around us - it is less of a problem for people in well-developed neighborhoods. But you would not believe the amount of dirt I sweep and mop up on a regular basis, and more so after a strong wind or storm of some kind.

And I think my final note on life here will be on church. I miss being able to enter freely into worship - I`m often trying to remember what the song is saying. Ok, often may be a bit strong, as my Spanish is improving. But you get what I mean. And it is a struggle to understand the sermon. I have always been more of a visual than auditory learner, so I have to work to keep up with sermons in English. If I don`t make a real effort, take notes, etc, I don`t remember much afterwards (in English). So I haven`t felt very fed here yet, although I think I am starting to understand enough that maybe I will try taking notes soon and see how I do.

Well, in typical blog fashion, somehow I feel better for having shared all this with you! Hopefully it is somewhat interesting to read :)

On Life in Mexico...

So sorry! Last time I posted, which was a very long time ago, I promised to get more posts up. And I actually started this post a week ago - but couldn´t finish because my time was shorter than I thought. And then, due to car troubles and the related fall out, I haven´t been on since. Finishing this post was on the top of my list for today,and then for the longest time I couldn´t sign in to Blogger. But I am in now, and hopefully have the time to finish this. Maybe I´ll post it unfinished if my husband comes for me - some news is better than no news, right? :)

I´ve been meaning for ages and ages to write an update on my life here and how I am transitioning, etc. Back when I first wanted to write it, I had the post half written in my head already. A lot has changed since then, but I don´t want to put it off any longer. So here´s hoping this post at least half way flows! ;)

First of all, I know that it is easy to use the blog to dump frustrations at times. And so you all get to hear about tight money or my naseous stomach sometimes.

But what I really want to be sure to say is how very happy and content I am here in my new life. I can´t tell you how many times I think in a week (or sometimes in one day) - how is it that I am soo blessed? Or - I can´t believe how very much I love my husband and he loves me! Or - Is this life really possible or only a dream? Will it last?

I really am very happy married to this man. I know he isn´t perfect, and we´ve already had assorted issues to work through, things from past and present, areas we don´t necessarily agree on. But overall, we are a really good fit for each other. He takes such good care of me - I´m not sure if I could have told you before I got married that I was looking for that feeling, but I sure am content now that I feel I have a husband to cares well for me. And somehow, although I tend to see where I fell short or the things I haven´t gotten done yet, he says the same about me. Do you know what a good feeling it is to have your husband take your hand to pray before a meal, and every single day include a thanks to the Lord for giving him his wife, and the coming child?

Now, as I´ve alluded to in other posts, his job is very demanding and low-paying... obviously I´d love to have a little more time with him and a little less tight of a budget. Really, as far as marriage goes, the biggest change I´d like to make is having more time with my husband. But I think that´s a pretty average for the course kind of request, one that lots of wives have. And in my case, it is one my husband echoes (sometimes the husband chooses to not be home for whatever reasons). So most of the time I don´t even give it that much thought. I just try to make the most of the time we do have together.

Switching topics, everyone always wants to know how my Spanish is coming. Honestly, I feel like I am coming along. I actually go places sometimes without my dictionary (and haven´t regretted it yet)! :) I usually can make myself understood and understand without too much mental effort at this point. I feel like I still have tons and tons of vocab to learn, but I have enough under my belt to get by. I often find myself thinking in Spanish, which they say is a sign of fluency or something to that effect. Of course, lots of times I get half way through the thought in Spanish and realize I don´t have the vocab to finish it and wonder why I am not thinking it in English. But Spanish is beginning to take over to the point that when my husband and I are trying to pratice his English, I am the one that keeps slipping into Spanish!

Talking to strangers and on the phone used to be the biggest struggles. Well, I can´t remember the last time I really struggled to understand/be understood by a stranger. And the other day I found myself talking to one of my closest friends here for 2 hours on the phone!

Speaking of friends - that seems to be another one of the biggies that people ask about. That particular friend has probably become my closest friend. She is in walking distance, and has made a point of telling me how she gets frustrated when I don´t come to visit her in a given week. (She has a baby and a child who needs to be walked to and from school everyday, so its a little harder for her to come to me...) I think second in the running is my sister-in-law. We´re close in age and connect well. And it helps that I get to see her regularly since we always head over there at least on Sunday´s after church (all my in-laws pretty much live together/next to each other). There´s others I´d like to get to know, but it is a bit hard to go visiting (we only have one car, and my husband has it all day for work) - which would help get a foundation started. Little by little I am getting there thru just the little bits of conversation at church.

Hmmm, those are the big points I think. If I missed something obvious, leave me a question in the comments to answer next post. I´m gonna go ahead and post this now while I still have time and everything. And hopefully I´ll be on more consistently again and able to post again soon!

Because I owe you one...

I just realized how much time has already gone by since that last post. It has almost been 2 weeks! I had no idea! Time is really flying by me.

I have had all kinds of great post ideas floating around in my head, but never have the time and/or mental energy to really pull one together. So I haven´t written anything. Instead, I am going to give you a few blurbs of the ideas that have been rumbling around in my head, and maybe some day in the future I will expound on anything I feel like gets cheated by doing it this way.

I wrote a while back about the independent streak in American culture vs. the community orientation of Mexican culture. What follows are some of the things I have been noticing that play out of that difference.

For example, in America, we get tons of junk mail and correspondence from companies we are affliated with (ie banks, credit cards, car, etc). This is the primary form of communication from advertisers and companies that want to keep us informed of our standing with them. Here in Mexico, people go door to door. This is in part because the mail system is so unreliable, but it really plays a part in the different sense of community. Salespeople, creditors, even the government - they all come to your door if they need or want to make contact with you. And if you are not home, it is perfectly acceptable to explain the purpose of your visit to a neighbor and ask them to make the contact for you. Can you imagine the average American´s response to a creditor or government official explaining their problems to a neighbor?

Although there is now what I would definetly consider a mall here in Saltillo, and many large plazas, in general you go about shopping in a very different way. When you want to, ´go shopping´, you go downtown and walk the streets wandering in and out of little shops. If you just need to grab something, you walk to the nearby appropriate shop in your neighborhood. For example, if you need a notebook or a map, you go to the nearnest ´papeleria´(paper shop). If you need a gift, or the fixings to wrap a gift, find the nearest shop labeled ´regalos´(gifts). Oh, and don´t bother buying whole rolls of paper for a single gift - there is no place in the house to store it anyways. Just buy a sheet or 2 for about a quarter.

In America, we generally chant the mantra that beggars and panhandlers are just trying to get another fix of drugs or alcohol (so don´t give them any money). Here it is understood that you are not so far above the person asking and it is very hard to find work, especially if you have any type of disability. A large percentage of the population freely gives out their pocket change to everyone from the person sitting on the sidewalk to the person somehow performing entertainment in the street in hopes of donations to the deaf person that walks door to door with a paper explaining her plight. Homemade food being sold door to door is also easily bought up.

Well, enough cultural comparisons for the moment. I have to get going. But I´ll try to write again sooner this time!

A Cultural Observation and A True Wifely Rollercoaster

Ok, so let me preface this by saying that in no way am I attempting to put myself down or put myself on some type of pedastal....this is purely a cultural observation and something I am trying to adjust to. I consider myself to have a pretty healthy self-image, all things considered, so dont worry about that in reading the following.

In America, as in, all of my life up until now, I was not what one would consider stand-out pretty. I think, normally, you have to be blond, extra tall or thin, or bronzed skined to garner extra attention from the male species. (Excuse all my broad generalizations, please) I have long been average height and weight, very white, and decidely brown-haired. Nothing that attracted a whole lot of obvious attention in public.

Here, however, I automatically stand out because I am American. And you can see in my sidebar picture just how much whiter I am than people here. In Rochester, there is a pretty diverse cross-section of many nationalities. Here, it is pretty much completely, uniformly, Mexicans. I am very different. (I am also very thankful for brown hair so I can at least blend in a little bit!) I draw attention. I mean this in the most innocent of ways as well as the not so innocent of ways. I am pretty sure that I am remembered by my 2nd visit of any of the little shops, cybers, or even the supermarket I frequent. I am memorable. But also, when I walk by myself somewhere (which I do somewhat regularly since I do not have my own car and happen to like walking), men on the streets are staring at me....and occassionally vocalizing their attention.

Being recognized in the places I frequent is something I appreciate. It makes unfamiliar places and things feel comfortable and safe faster, especially since it makes for that many less people I have to worry about understanding the fact that I am not yet fluent in Spanish.

Being whistled or stared at is something I do not like at all. I am currently reevaluating my wardrobe. Do I own things less flattering? Mind you, I usually just have on your basic pair of jeans and a comfortable top. Should I buy a few baggy, shapeless items for when I leave the house alone? Do I dress as always and just continue to act like I do not see or hear these men? Thoughts, anyone?

My oh-so-wonderful husband hopes it never happens in his presence, because he thinks he will react in anger. However, I am pretty sure it is unlikely to happen as long as I am with him. He says to just ignore it as I have been, though.
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So, I lost it last night, just broke into tears, while talking to my husband. I am sure you all can understand.... I mean, he told me he did NOT want his breakfast sandwhich this morning quite the way I planned on making them. That is obviously cry worthy, right? You all see where I am coming from here, I am sure.

Seriously, though, I got pretty upset when he made faces and expressed the exact opposite of interest in the combination of ingredients I mentioned (and that I was actually looking foward to). I insisted he at least try it (he never had before). But I did not realize how upset I was until he said something to the effect of, *Ok, I will try it. Just please dont be sad about this, ok?* At which point I started crying.

At first I wasnt even sure why. Then I realized, I have been a little stressed about the whole cooking thing. Cooking for him is one of my most important wifely tasks, you know? And I need to cook at least 2x a day.... culturally, you eat a big, cooked breakfast that can last you until the big, main, midday meal. But I do not know how to make very many of the dishes he is accustomed to, at least, not yet. And one of the ones I thought I did know how to make (eggs with chorizo), he had told me a few days earlier he prefers a different way!

We have discussed that at times I will make things I am familiar with and that he is more than willing to try them. I had always found him to not be very picky, and it appeared he´ll eat just about anything. But as I said, this week he actually asked me to make something differently, and now he was telling me he did not want what I planned on making for breakfast. You can understand how I suddenly had nightmarish visions of him regularly refusing to eat what I made, particularly anything I am really comfortable making. And so I lost it. (This would be the low point of my above mentioned wifely rollercoaster.)

I was able to express what I was feeling, he did his usual great job of comforting me, and agreed to try things even if it sounded strange to him (he ended up liking my breakfast by the way). We also discussed the possibility of me spending time with him mom and sisters so I can learn more about the dishes he is used to (which was something I had thought I´d be able to do back when I was going to live with them before the wedding).

And now you may be wondering, what about the high point of my wifely rollercoaster?

Well, I made rice today for our midday meal. And it was good.

That may sound silly and little to you all, but let me explain. This is coming from the girl who only ever bought anything other than instant rice one time when I first moved out of my parents house and didn´t acutally know the difference between real and instant rice but only saw that it was cheaper. I don´t think I ever made it more than once...? In case you weren´t sure, they don´t eat instant rice here.

To further explain, not only do they not use instant here, but it is not cooked in a saucepan. They cook it in a frying pan. In fact, they start out by cooking it in oil. Then you add flavorings and something that turns it pink. And the few times I tried to ask anyone about how to do it, I got very vague instructions (cause it is just one of those things that everyone here does, and does slightly differently).

So maybe now you can appreciate why it was such a high point for me, especially after last night´s cooking breakdown, to successfully make tasty rice, and be told by my husband (who did not know I had never made it before) that it was really good. :)